Chase The Rainbow, Simon & Schuster


IN MAY 2015, i lost my husband rob bell to suicide. 

He had suffered from depression from a young age, and over 25 years he developed an addiction to self-medicate what he was going through. 

In the end, like so many men before him - suicide is the biggest killer of men in the UK - he took his own life. There were many reasons, but I have no doubt that the silence around emotion and vulnerability that is demanded of men was hugely responsible.

The fall out was immense - it left us all struggling to make sense of the death of this beautiful, clever man, who loved nature, who read voraciously, who was complicated, funny and kind. I realised while I would never find the closure I wanted, it was evident that talking about depression bore a deep stigma, and that suicide was met with an even bigger silence. 

So I had to write this book, to find out about the man I loved, to seek answers so that people better understood things like depression and addiction, and to create a space where we can talk about it honestly and openly. Without prejudice. 

This is the story of our lives together, it's a love song for him, and above all, it's a message of hope for those of us still here.